Today, more than any day, I feel the responsibility of being the parent of a boy more keenly. How can I bring up my son to be a man who respects women, who knows that no means a no, not a yes, not a maybe. A boy who does not see women as solely objects of desire, who knows that raising a hand on a woman is cowardice, unmanly and who will be the first to stand up if he sees a girl being harassed.
Here are some tips all of us could do with (From Yahoo):
Raising boys who respect women is about a lot more than opening doors and pulling out chairs. In fact, manners are just the beginning of it. Anyone can teach their child manners, but it takes a lot more effort to undermine the negative messages of the larger society.
For those who aren't familiar, violence against women abounds. Depending on which source you believe, anywhere from 25-44% of women will be raped in their lives. Wife battering is at an all time high; women still make far less than men, and the unreasonable expectations imposed on women's bodies have resulted in an incredibly high rate of eating disorders, which can be, and often are, fatal.
There's hope, though. One of the very best things that can be done to combat this is to raise boys who respect women. Men who care about women are more likely to speak out when they see their friends mistreating women, are more likely to have happy relationships, are more likely to raise strong daughters, and are less likely to engage in criminal behavior. There is good reason to be concerned about your son's attitudes toward women in addition to the obvious compassion and ethics side of the issue. So how can a parent do it? Here's how:
Don't Buy Into Gender Stereotypes
Poor treatment of and views toward women often flow from the idea that they are fundamentally different from men; they're not. Women have the same emotions, the same goals, and the same dreams as men and are capable of doing anything a man can do (except for sperm donation, of course). Sadly, though, many parents divide boy activities from girl activities. They yell at their boys for playing with dolls and their girls for playing rough. This sort of behavior only serves to increase animosity between the sexes. Contrary to many parents' beliefs, a boy who plays with dolls will not grow up to be a "sissy" or gay. He'll grow up to be a good father, have more respect for women, and have a wider array of interests. Do not treat boys and girls differently, or your son will internalize the message that it's ok to treat women as less than men!
Pay Attention to Media Kids are heavily exposed to advertising and media from a young age, and it's not unusual for a first grader to watch six or seven hours of television a day. No matter how much television your child watches, the messages of the media have a strong impact. Cartoons and commercials are filled with messages that boys and girls are fundamentally different, and television generally is full of violence, especially sexualized violence. Try to keep your child's tv watching to a minimum, but also work on raising his critical thinking skills. Ask him about the messages he sees on tv; point out how different "real" women look from the women on tv. You can't lock your child away from the world, but you can use the negative messages he may encounter in the world as a teachable moment and an opportunity to encourage critical thinking skills.
Don't Tolerate Sexism
The things we say don't always reflect the things we think; sometimes they're said just to fit in. But, the things we say do affect the way we think, and what we think affects what we do. Thus, if you hear your son making negative remarks about women, don't just let it slide. Boys who aren't corrected on sexist attitudes internalize the message that these attitudes are acceptable, so don't let this happen with your boy. There's no need to scream and yell, but use sexist slang and negative remarks as an opportunity to talk about the dangers of sexism and find out why he decided to say what he did and use the language he did.
Talk About Sex and Dating One of the danger zones for boys begins in adolescence, when they begin dating. Sexual coercion and rape is shockingly and tragically common among adolescents. Make sure that your kid understands the importance of sexual consent. And don't teach him that only boys like sex, or he'll get the message that boys have to force girls. Instead explain that if the girl isn't enjoying it as much as he is, he has to stop right away.
Get Dad Involved Dads are the very best people to talk to boys about respecting women. Children imitate their same-sex parent, and if dad endorses the cause of fighting sexism and respecting women, your son will too.
Be A Good Role Model As with everything else, the very best way to get your child to behave the way you would like is to model the behavior that you would like to see. Dad should treat mom with respect and it should be clear to your son that both mom and dad are equal partners.
Talk Explicitly About Sexism Many parents are hesitant to discuss more negative elements of society- sexism, racism, the holocaust, war, etc. But if you don't talk about these issues with your child, someone else will, and they're almost guaranteed to get bad information. It's important that your son understand that sexism isn't harmless, that if affects women, and that he should be prepared to speak out against it. Encourage him to stand up to friends; it may be difficult, but it will gain him the respect of women (and maybe some dates!) in addition to helping him be a strong ally in a just cause.
Sexism can be a tricky topic to address with a child, and raising boys who respect women is no small feat, but it is a worthy goal, and one that is worth devoting the effort to.
Read the original article here: http://voices.yahoo.com/how-raise-boys-into-men-respect-women-5663276.html
Here are some tips all of us could do with (From Yahoo):
Raising boys who respect women is about a lot more than opening doors and pulling out chairs. In fact, manners are just the beginning of it. Anyone can teach their child manners, but it takes a lot more effort to undermine the negative messages of the larger society.
For those who aren't familiar, violence against women abounds. Depending on which source you believe, anywhere from 25-44% of women will be raped in their lives. Wife battering is at an all time high; women still make far less than men, and the unreasonable expectations imposed on women's bodies have resulted in an incredibly high rate of eating disorders, which can be, and often are, fatal.
There's hope, though. One of the very best things that can be done to combat this is to raise boys who respect women. Men who care about women are more likely to speak out when they see their friends mistreating women, are more likely to have happy relationships, are more likely to raise strong daughters, and are less likely to engage in criminal behavior. There is good reason to be concerned about your son's attitudes toward women in addition to the obvious compassion and ethics side of the issue. So how can a parent do it? Here's how:
Don't Buy Into Gender Stereotypes
Poor treatment of and views toward women often flow from the idea that they are fundamentally different from men; they're not. Women have the same emotions, the same goals, and the same dreams as men and are capable of doing anything a man can do (except for sperm donation, of course). Sadly, though, many parents divide boy activities from girl activities. They yell at their boys for playing with dolls and their girls for playing rough. This sort of behavior only serves to increase animosity between the sexes. Contrary to many parents' beliefs, a boy who plays with dolls will not grow up to be a "sissy" or gay. He'll grow up to be a good father, have more respect for women, and have a wider array of interests. Do not treat boys and girls differently, or your son will internalize the message that it's ok to treat women as less than men!
Pay Attention to Media Kids are heavily exposed to advertising and media from a young age, and it's not unusual for a first grader to watch six or seven hours of television a day. No matter how much television your child watches, the messages of the media have a strong impact. Cartoons and commercials are filled with messages that boys and girls are fundamentally different, and television generally is full of violence, especially sexualized violence. Try to keep your child's tv watching to a minimum, but also work on raising his critical thinking skills. Ask him about the messages he sees on tv; point out how different "real" women look from the women on tv. You can't lock your child away from the world, but you can use the negative messages he may encounter in the world as a teachable moment and an opportunity to encourage critical thinking skills.
Don't Tolerate Sexism
The things we say don't always reflect the things we think; sometimes they're said just to fit in. But, the things we say do affect the way we think, and what we think affects what we do. Thus, if you hear your son making negative remarks about women, don't just let it slide. Boys who aren't corrected on sexist attitudes internalize the message that these attitudes are acceptable, so don't let this happen with your boy. There's no need to scream and yell, but use sexist slang and negative remarks as an opportunity to talk about the dangers of sexism and find out why he decided to say what he did and use the language he did.
Talk About Sex and Dating One of the danger zones for boys begins in adolescence, when they begin dating. Sexual coercion and rape is shockingly and tragically common among adolescents. Make sure that your kid understands the importance of sexual consent. And don't teach him that only boys like sex, or he'll get the message that boys have to force girls. Instead explain that if the girl isn't enjoying it as much as he is, he has to stop right away.
Get Dad Involved Dads are the very best people to talk to boys about respecting women. Children imitate their same-sex parent, and if dad endorses the cause of fighting sexism and respecting women, your son will too.
Be A Good Role Model As with everything else, the very best way to get your child to behave the way you would like is to model the behavior that you would like to see. Dad should treat mom with respect and it should be clear to your son that both mom and dad are equal partners.
Talk Explicitly About Sexism Many parents are hesitant to discuss more negative elements of society- sexism, racism, the holocaust, war, etc. But if you don't talk about these issues with your child, someone else will, and they're almost guaranteed to get bad information. It's important that your son understand that sexism isn't harmless, that if affects women, and that he should be prepared to speak out against it. Encourage him to stand up to friends; it may be difficult, but it will gain him the respect of women (and maybe some dates!) in addition to helping him be a strong ally in a just cause.
Sexism can be a tricky topic to address with a child, and raising boys who respect women is no small feat, but it is a worthy goal, and one that is worth devoting the effort to.
Read the original article here: http://voices.yahoo.com/how-raise-boys-into-men-respect-women-5663276.html
2 comments:
Your post is spot-on, Kiran. We need to start at grassroots level. Gender-equality should be taught at home, in schools, colleges and workplaces. I wanted to share an observation from facebook--As I was browsing through the newsfeed, I was surprised that some people were posting angry comments on how brutally the rapists should be punished. It was shocking because during college days, these guys were at the forefront in eve-teasing, stalking, ogling and making lewd comments at girls! And now these men are married and probably have kids they have suddenly assumed the seat of 'respectable' men in society and are pointing fingers! Unless we as a society change our patriarchal misogynist attitude by bringing the change within ourselves and our children, we will always live in fear of our daughters being abused.
You rock!
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